Well

Are you ever confused on if you are ever truly happy. I thought I was, I thought I was finally getting back into my old happy jumpy positive self. I am trying to tell myself that i am... but im not. i feel unloved and alone and well shitty. i feel like my group of friends doesnt like me and i feel crappy. i only really have my best friend right now it feels, and im glad about it, but sometimes i dont even know what shes thinking. shes so mysterious and stuff its just hard to know. i hope she doesnt hate me like everyone else does.

stupid elementary school RUINED ME. i now am obsessed with what people think of me and feel like everyone hates me. i dont wanna be judged anymore or called names and called things that i know i am not. but what the hell who am i really? i have no fucking idea so hows anyone supposed to accept me? i cant blame people for hating me id hate me if i were them... i just feel alone again... no one likes me as usual i have to deal with annoying ass fake girls who flirt with every guy and have like 20 people who like them and act like complete asses to them, yet they are still loved.

am i never gonna be loved? who the hells gonna like me. I DONT WANNA GO OUT WITH THE ONE PERSON WHO HAS LIKED ME! NO. i dont like him. i dont wanna ever date him. im sick of people telling me that i will. im sick of people planning my life for me. shut the fuck up. lemme live life. i dont wanna know the future! i like surprises.. i like not knowing... but i dont like people planning shit. lets be spontaneous.

i dont wanna be alone anymore.